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Awake: It's Your Turn
by Angelo Dillulo
Overall, this was really good although chapter 13 irritated the piss out of me because it was about emotions and I think he gets emotions almost entirely wrong. He repeatedly says the right thing and proceeds to explain in a way that's all wrong.
You probably don't care but here's how these notes happen.
- why is the TOC not showing up? It would be useful since this is so long. Apparently something with the ad-hominem theme. Fuck, why can't things just work? So now I'm on the bootstrap3 theme and TOC works but it doesn't show the whole thing at the top and when you scroll down a bit it hides itself. To really use it you have to click Commentary and then unhide the TOC. Fuck. Double fuck! Bootstrap3 isn't showing bullets in unordered lists and I use the fuck out of unordered lists. Why can't shit just work! I'm not really mad, I'm amused, but also it's annoying.
Commentary
Introduction
you will be free from the need to take reference from any specific belief system to feel fulfilled or find purpose in life.
This is something humanity really needs if we're going to survive long term. We spend way to much time killing each other because we believe in different imaginary sky-daddies. It's way past time we grew up and threw off whichever cult our parents indoctrinated us into.
Chapter 1. A Word of Caution
This is about waking up in your life exactly as it is.
We're not trying to change anything, we're just trying to be here and accept everything. Then we can make changes if we feel it's appropriate.
In fact, you will face every distorted belief and repressed emotion that is hidden inside you at one point or another. What’s more, the old strategies of avoidance, distraction, and resistance will become less viable options as realization deepens.
Don't remember why I highlighted this. I think I recognized that for myself, as I became better at acceptance it wasn't necessary to avoid or distract or resist. That doesn't quite line up with the way he says it but it's in the same ballpark.
You will never be given more than you can tolerate
I absolutely loath wooshit talk like this. Who's making that choice? Who's overseeing this process and knows what my secret limit is? He makes a lot of nonsense statements like this and I can't tell if it's an artifact of language, or he's sloppy with his wording, or he genuinely believes some silly nonsense like the universe won't give you more than you can take.
You are voluntarily coming into contact with forces that are vastly more powerful than you (or anyone) can begin to imagine.
This sounds like wooshit intended to impress the rubes.
This is your life, so doing what feels most authentic and relevant to you regardless of social expectation is what will be most fulfilling.
More talk in a style I don't care for. Talk about authenticity is very often (and ironically?) fake in that it's there to fool the rubes. There's only you, so whatever you do is authentic. If you cave in to social expectation and say the expected thing then that's authentic. There's no secret you at the center of the tootsie pop waiting for the third lick to set it free. When people talk about their “authentic” self what they usually mean is an inauthentic, imaginary, better, version of themself that they wish they were.
And that wishing is the source of their suffering. This is duhkha, and to fix it you start by accepting your authentically flawed self and then, from acceptance, you can start to make changes.
Chapter 2. First Steps
Chapter 3. What Is Awakening?
Chapter 4. Paradox
Chapter 5. Attention
developing a habit of noticing
Highlighted without comment.
To me this is almost everything. We have to pay attention to what's happening in our head so that we can notice the stories and ignore them (when they're not useful).
Sati.
you’re always using your attention when you are conscious, but you are not always using your attention knowingly.
Sit, and know that you're sitting.
Know that seeing is happening.
PS, his italics, my highlight
Chapter 8. Practices and Techniques
When we sit down to meditate, it is quite common that we notice there are a lot of thoughts. If you don’t realize this is normal, you can quickly convince yourself that meditation isn’t your cup of tea, or that it just doesn’t work for you. It helps to remind yourself that those thoughts aren’t caused by the meditation, nor do they indicate an error in the way you’re meditating. You are simply becoming more aware of the thoughts that are already there. It’s as if you are taking the role of the observer instead of becoming entangled in the thought stream as we often do throughout the day.
Highlighted without note. It's very true and having Andy from Headspace say that thinking during meditation is perfectly normal was what made it possible for me to develop a regular practice.
Having a neutral relationship with thoughts will bring equanimity to your meditation practice.
Highlighted without comment.
In fact, that sense of the “you” that needs to defend itself by creating a persona is produced by the endless parade of self-centered and fear-based thoughts that run automatically through our minds, day in and day out.
Highlighted without comment.
Chapter 10. Stages of Awakening
Chapter 11. Mind-Identification
Chapter 12. Thoughts
Chapter 13. Beliefs
Chapter 14. Emotions
Chapter 15. Inquiry
Whether you succeed or not is irrelevant, there is no such thing. Making your unknown known is the important thing—and keeping the unknown always beyond you. – Georgia O’Keeffe
I highlighted the quote, but I'm not sure I like it now. Obviously then-Dave saw something in that now-Dave doesn't. This is interesting partially because it points out the illusion of continuity. We think we're a constant thing but we're really the result of a bunch of processes happening in our brain. Then me isn't now me isn't future me.
Then you isn't now you isn't future you. You are a process that's always in flux.
Keep looking until the looking is all that’s left,
Here he's talking about the directive to look for the looker. Sam Harris uses that a lot and it's never landed for me. Angelo says this and then in chapter 16 says “a looking that just keeps on going with no landing on anything solid or specific” that made this much clearer.
Chapter 16. Awakening
Chapter 17. Post-Awakening Guidance
Don’t try to recreate your awakening. It will never happen. The past is gone. All you have left of that experience and event is a memory. The truth you realized has never gone anywhere, and it is with you right now. Don’t judge the form that truth arises in. It knows exactly what to show you moment by moment.
Highlighted without comment. I assume because it's wooshit. The rest of that paragraph is good, then he ruins good advice with wooshit.
God is a comedian playing to an audience that is too afraid to laugh. – Voltaire
Life's a joke, and we're the punchline.